Things I Want to Say and Can't...or Won't

There are things I'd like to say, but I'm too chicken to open my mouth. Instead of actually saying something and standing up and defending myself, I sit in the corner, hunkered over and cowering, allowing myself to take the beating I'm given.

Because I know lots of people I know read this blog, I'm not even going to post what I'd like to say here, either. I'm just lily-livered like that. But I can defend my position without giving too much information.

I did what I was told to do, and did it thoroughly. I fulfilled a request, did my job in my normal thorough, precise way, which is why (1) I was given the job to begin with; and (2) what is expected of me. I am not stupid, and I do not over-analyze. What I do do is make sure what I'm doing is clear and understood by everyone.

Now I feel like some others are saying, Thanks, but no thanks, we can do it better. If that's the case, then go ahead. I've done the job for a long time, I know what I'm doing. I developed methods that became policy; I worked in silence for a long time, too. No one short of the boss asked me if I was doing okay, if I needed help, or if things were going smoothly. I didn't complain about that, though, because I was confident in the thought that if I was doing something wrong, someone would have surely said something. This went on for nearly two years with no, "Hey, great job!" nor a "Man, you could have handled that better". Now, there's been a fairly significant change to the way things work, and my job is suddenly everyone's concern.

My question is, where was this concern when I needed it? Where was the concern when I was covered up with work and actually needed help? When did I ask for input on something that I learned to do on my own a long time ago? You weren't concerned about my job then, why are you so concerned about my job now?

I have been nothing but supportive to my co-workers. I do my best to not nit-pick their work, and compliment them for a job well-done. I don't understand how that can be an open door to being insulted, made to feel "small", and being made to feel stupid for doing my job and doing it (at least in my own opinion) well. It isn't fair (and yes, I know life is not fair), and it does make me want to drop it all at your feet and say, "There you go, you do it, but don't ask me for help, don't ask me for advice, and don't ask me for my opinion. You can obviously do it better than I can, so prove it." Is that running away? Probably. Is that forfeiting my position in the organization? Probably. At this point, I don't really care. I've worked hard and feel like I've earned my position, and earned the right to rest on my laurels for a bit. I've got other things to occupy my time, and I plan on devoting my time to those things.

There. I said what I can't (or won't) anyway. Hope feathers are appropriately ruffled.