As we all know (It's clear from my previous blog posts) we want to move.
Now, there's a couple of hurdles. We have to have jobs, we have to have a place to live, and we need some supplementary child care for Conman, not to mention some extra cash to be able to do all these things. We have a plan - a good plan - to, in the end, be successful. The problem is, we don't have the "ready cash" or savings to be able to do these things.
I do, however, have a trust fund. The problem? I'm not allowed to touch it until I'm 55 (and I'm only 32 as of the date of this posting). I have also been informed this morning that (1) I shouldn't be calling the really good job lead I have because "we're not ready to move" (according to my dad) and (2) we won't be getting any monetary help from my parents for the same reason.
My question is this - how do you know we're not ready? We have come to the realization that we'll never be more than what we are as long as we stay here. DH has been asking for a raise for about six months now with no hint that he's going to get one. He's worked at his job for, collectively, about 7 years (worked five years, laid off for one, worked two more years). He retained his seniority when he came back from the layoff, but that hasn't made any difference in his pay rate. I work part time and bring home about $320 every two weeks. As we are right now, we're barely making it, there's no hope for any advancement for either of us. There's no way we'll be any better than what we are, and we can't make enough money to have any sorts of savings. Basically, we're on our own for savings or trying to keep money aside so that we can move, but because we make so little, we can't save any money for a down payment or anything like that.
Yet again, my parents feel like they must control us, even to the long-term detriment of their own grandchild. Because we will be out of their sphere of influence, they won't help. Because they won't be able to raise Conman (because it's been made painfully obvious that I don't do a good enough job) they won't help. Because there's a chance (a very GOOD chance) that we'll be successful on our own, that we'll be able to save and plan for our own future for once, they won't help. They'd rather see us live in squalor and utter need than to admit for once that they might not have all the answers and that they might be wrong. I can't understand why parents would want that for their child, much less their grandchild. It doesn't make sense to me - why would a parent not want their child to succeed? If you have the answer, I'd like to hear it, because at this moment, I'm completely at a loss.
Oh, and this morning when I went up because I needed $20 (see? we can't even make it between paydays) I saw a brochure for a new Honda Pilot on their countertop. Dad said that they took the car in for a service and the salesman approached him and "forced" the brochure on them, but I find that hard to believe. I take my car to a dealership for service all the time, and a simple, "Oh, I'm just here for service." sends the salesmen running back to the office to wait on the next actual prospect. So, therefore, they can spend money on a new car, but they can't invest in the future of their child or grandchild. And before you ask, no, they don't need a new car. They have a 2007 Toyota truck, a 2000 Honda Accord, and a 2004 Ford SUV, all with very low miles and in brand-new condition. The sole reason for buying a car for them is they're tired of the old one.
If I sound angry, it's because I am. I don't think the two of them have experienced "need" in thirty years or more. They are either unwilling or unable to understand why someone would want to move away and get better.
And to be honest with you, I can't take living under their thumb anymore. I wrote that letter three months ago (search my blog, you'll find the post about the letter to my mother) and she was better...for about a month. Now, not only has she gone back to her "old ways", but she's worse. I can't stand this any more - I can't be made to feel like I'm not a real person any more, and I can't live like that anymore. I hate it, and I want to get away and live my life for me and my child and my husband. I want to be able to actually live and not just exist as a disappointment to someone else.
I guess that's it. On all fronts. I got nothing else to say, and I got nowhere else to turn.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
International Talk Like a Pirate Day, 2008
In honor of Talk Like a Pirate Day, I give you a post I made back in June celebrating just such a thing.
So...fill your days with "Arrghs" and "Aye Mateys", and have a fantastic TLAPD!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
An Update
So, on Sunday and Monday DH and I went Down South and checked out some houses and tried to look for jobs. On Sunday we toured the houses with a real estate agent and some were really nice for the price, and a couple were...well...not so nice. We've finally decided on one that's in the $115K - $119K range. I think we can qualify for a $128K FHA loan, and that will be more than enough to get the house we really like.
As far as the jobs are concerned, well...It's the curse of Monday. All the places I wanted to visit to talk about jobs were closed on Monday. We only stayed until about 1PM, so we didn't have time to do much, anyway, but it was frustrating to know that half of what I wanted to get done Down South couldn't get done because everything was closed.
I spoke with dad today about getting help to move down there, and it wasn't promising. I just want to go, and we need a little help (down payment help, money for DH's class he needs to take) and he's not budging. It's bothering me for several reasons, but reasons I'd rather not go into. It doesn't matter to me, though - either way - with their help or without it - we're going. You don't like it? Sorry, Charlie. It's our life to master, not yours, and we think our direction is the best for us. Aside from that, we're all set. We just need to get a time-line together and get down there.
That's about it - that's what almost all my thoughts are centered on these days, so like I've said before, that's what all my posts (for a while, anyway) are likely to be about.
As far as the jobs are concerned, well...It's the curse of Monday. All the places I wanted to visit to talk about jobs were closed on Monday. We only stayed until about 1PM, so we didn't have time to do much, anyway, but it was frustrating to know that half of what I wanted to get done Down South couldn't get done because everything was closed.
I spoke with dad today about getting help to move down there, and it wasn't promising. I just want to go, and we need a little help (down payment help, money for DH's class he needs to take) and he's not budging. It's bothering me for several reasons, but reasons I'd rather not go into. It doesn't matter to me, though - either way - with their help or without it - we're going. You don't like it? Sorry, Charlie. It's our life to master, not yours, and we think our direction is the best for us. Aside from that, we're all set. We just need to get a time-line together and get down there.
That's about it - that's what almost all my thoughts are centered on these days, so like I've said before, that's what all my posts (for a while, anyway) are likely to be about.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
The Untitled Post
Not a whole lot to post today, just a few tid-bits of the past week.
First off, the Browns remain undefeated. The C-Team beat Gilbert 22-6 today. It was a pretty good game for 5-7 (or are they 8?) year olds, and Conman got to play during the fourth quarter on Offense. He had two REALLY good blocks while on the line, so momma's proud.
DH got a rejection letter from the big job he was looking at Down South. Not a big problem, though - where there's a will, there's a way, and now he's looking at taking a 5 - 10 day course to become a licensed home inspector with aims of eventually starting our own business inspecting and possibly cost-assessing homes Down South. It's always been a dream of ours to own our own business, and this is the perfect opportunity to do so.
I still haven't heard ANYTHING from any of the jobs I applied for Down South. I think I really have to be down there to get a job, and I may have to work for a couple of years on "some other job" before I'm able to quit and work with DH in "our business" full-time. That's okay, though - as long as we're making our way in the world, doing good and keeping Conman eating regularly and in new clothes, I call that a success. As long as I can keep a roof over our heads and the electricity on, we're successful.
The plan now is go Down South next weekend, scope some houses on Sunday and go and see some of the temp services on Monday morning and then break the sound barrier getting back here for the start of our work weeks on Tuesday. Wish us luck, we'll need it. This is the first actual step on the journey we've decided to take.
First off, the Browns remain undefeated. The C-Team beat Gilbert 22-6 today. It was a pretty good game for 5-7 (or are they 8?) year olds, and Conman got to play during the fourth quarter on Offense. He had two REALLY good blocks while on the line, so momma's proud.
DH got a rejection letter from the big job he was looking at Down South. Not a big problem, though - where there's a will, there's a way, and now he's looking at taking a 5 - 10 day course to become a licensed home inspector with aims of eventually starting our own business inspecting and possibly cost-assessing homes Down South. It's always been a dream of ours to own our own business, and this is the perfect opportunity to do so.
I still haven't heard ANYTHING from any of the jobs I applied for Down South. I think I really have to be down there to get a job, and I may have to work for a couple of years on "some other job" before I'm able to quit and work with DH in "our business" full-time. That's okay, though - as long as we're making our way in the world, doing good and keeping Conman eating regularly and in new clothes, I call that a success. As long as I can keep a roof over our heads and the electricity on, we're successful.
The plan now is go Down South next weekend, scope some houses on Sunday and go and see some of the temp services on Monday morning and then break the sound barrier getting back here for the start of our work weeks on Tuesday. Wish us luck, we'll need it. This is the first actual step on the journey we've decided to take.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Weird Dreams
So, I've been thinking about writing about this all week, and I've just now decided to do it.
Sunday night I had a nightmare. I hope that in writing about it, I can finally forget about it. It's haunted me since then. In this nightmare, I had a daughter who was 8 or 10 years old. We were at the t-ball field watching Conman practice football, and she was being...unruly. She came up to me and was arguing with me, and I was sitting on the metal bleachers they have there. She slapped me in the face, and I grabbed her arm and slung her around to make her sit down in front of me, and she tripped over my foot. Her head got wedged between the bottom step of the bleachers and her body fell at an odd angle and I heard her neck snap. I started screaming "no", and I must have been yelling out in my sleep, too, because DH woke me up and told me that I was having a nightmare.
Tuesday night I dreamed about this little amphibious vehicle that the store took in on trade the other day. In my dream, he broadsided us in a great big new black SUV that we owned. We chased him down and made his mother pay for the damage. It was just weird.
Anyway, that's all I got.
Sunday night I had a nightmare. I hope that in writing about it, I can finally forget about it. It's haunted me since then. In this nightmare, I had a daughter who was 8 or 10 years old. We were at the t-ball field watching Conman practice football, and she was being...unruly. She came up to me and was arguing with me, and I was sitting on the metal bleachers they have there. She slapped me in the face, and I grabbed her arm and slung her around to make her sit down in front of me, and she tripped over my foot. Her head got wedged between the bottom step of the bleachers and her body fell at an odd angle and I heard her neck snap. I started screaming "no", and I must have been yelling out in my sleep, too, because DH woke me up and told me that I was having a nightmare.
Tuesday night I dreamed about this little amphibious vehicle that the store took in on trade the other day. In my dream, he broadsided us in a great big new black SUV that we owned. We chased him down and made his mother pay for the damage. It was just weird.
Anyway, that's all I got.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Gypsies and Pirates
Her eyes they know too much
She'll treat ya like somebody but you just cant touch
His smile aint seen the light of day
Exchanged it for some treasures somewhere along the way
Maybe the stars will align so they can sail on together
Maybe he'll steal her life
and she'll take his heart
and his favorite sweater
Shes a gypsy
Hes a pirate on the run
Pirate On The Run,
Pat Monahan
So I've been thinking a lot lately about myself. I want to know what it is that makes me want to go all the time. I'm never happy in one place for long - like the lyrics above say, "She's a gypsy..."
I've also been thinking a lot about the fairness of life. It seems like it doesn't matter how smart you are, how driven you are, how willing you are to work hard for what you have, some people are just not destined to get ahead. I've been an office worker for my entire life - I'm good at what I do, I work hard, and I'm diligent. I figure I'm worth at least $10 an hour (in this area's economy) or maybe more. DH is good at what he does - he works, hard, doesn't care to get dirty, and when he does something, it's done right - and you can count on that. He's worth probably about double an hour what I am.
Now, with all that - $30 or so an hour collectively - you'd think we'd do pretty good. You'd be mistaken. DH doesn't make NEAR what he's worth, and I make $6.75 an hour (part-time). We barely get by, barely have enough to buy food to eat and keep (fairly new) clothes. Now, let's pair that with some of the other workers around here. We're talking about unskilled, unschooled laborers. You know the kind - the ones that have six-bedroom, $500,000 homes, six or seven luxury vehicles, kids and spouses in the newest fashions and with the biggest diamonds and the flashiest...other stuff...money can buy. Tell me, now, how someone smarter, more skilled, and more willing to work gets the proverbial pile of shit while someone like that is the one holding the shovel? It's not fair, I tell ya.
Okay, I'm done complaining. Have a pleasant day.
She'll treat ya like somebody but you just cant touch
His smile aint seen the light of day
Exchanged it for some treasures somewhere along the way
Maybe the stars will align so they can sail on together
Maybe he'll steal her life
and she'll take his heart
and his favorite sweater
Shes a gypsy
Hes a pirate on the run
Pirate On The Run,
Pat Monahan
So I've been thinking a lot lately about myself. I want to know what it is that makes me want to go all the time. I'm never happy in one place for long - like the lyrics above say, "She's a gypsy..."
I've also been thinking a lot about the fairness of life. It seems like it doesn't matter how smart you are, how driven you are, how willing you are to work hard for what you have, some people are just not destined to get ahead. I've been an office worker for my entire life - I'm good at what I do, I work hard, and I'm diligent. I figure I'm worth at least $10 an hour (in this area's economy) or maybe more. DH is good at what he does - he works, hard, doesn't care to get dirty, and when he does something, it's done right - and you can count on that. He's worth probably about double an hour what I am.
Now, with all that - $30 or so an hour collectively - you'd think we'd do pretty good. You'd be mistaken. DH doesn't make NEAR what he's worth, and I make $6.75 an hour (part-time). We barely get by, barely have enough to buy food to eat and keep (fairly new) clothes. Now, let's pair that with some of the other workers around here. We're talking about unskilled, unschooled laborers. You know the kind - the ones that have six-bedroom, $500,000 homes, six or seven luxury vehicles, kids and spouses in the newest fashions and with the biggest diamonds and the flashiest...other stuff...money can buy. Tell me, now, how someone smarter, more skilled, and more willing to work gets the proverbial pile of shit while someone like that is the one holding the shovel? It's not fair, I tell ya.
Okay, I'm done complaining. Have a pleasant day.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Frustrations, Worries and Disappointments
Frustrations
Well, first off, I'm frustrated with the relocation thing. I know, I'm impatient, but it's been 2 weeks and I have applied for many, many jobs, and I haven't heard a peep back from anyone. I've been applying on-line, so you would think I would at least get a "hey, yeah, we got your application, thank you!" or "you know, I really don't think we could hire you, since you currently live 10 hours away. Let us know when you move in locally. Thanks."
Nope. Nothing. Not a peep. Kinda frustrating, and a little disheartening. I've got to do this on my "off-time" when I'm not working, and I don't have the time (not to mention the money) to just hop in the car and run Down South and apply for a job at the drop of a hat. I wish I did, but I don't. It almost seems like you've got to live there before you can work there, and well...we don't live there.
Worries
Will we ever live there? I dunno. Is it the right thing for us to do? I dunno. DH seems to think it's the right thing - he wants to get me away from my mother to save my sanity (and believe me, I need it). He thinks it's a good thing for the boy, too, because we want to raise him to love and respect them, but not to be like them. The lives of my parents are so filled with negativity, I don't want him to think that's what life is all about. If we get away from here, we can raise him the way we want to.
The question now becomes, will we ever actually go? DH thinks we will on that one, too. I've been looking at different kinds of loans and see if it's possible to get the loan, go down, buy a house and have a little left over to live on for a couple of months while we find work. I don't know if that's possible - it looks like our interest rate is going to be about 7% (perhaps even 8%), and property taxes are a bit higher Down South than they are here. It's a lot to think about - DH says that the higher interest rate is the cost of moving down there and getting out. I'm just about willing to pay that price.
The last thing that I've been worrying about is the house we live in now. What's going to happen to it? I don't want to leave dad holding the bag on this property. Granted, we haven't paid anything on this house in almost 3 years, and it doesn't appear on our credit report (therefore our name must not be on the mortgage anywhere). I don't know how this is going to work when we go to apply for a loan. I don't know if it will affect what kind of money we'll get, or if a loan and home purchase would be contingent on the sale of this house, or what. We did it once before - up and moved out of a house we had bought, leaving it to mom and dad to take care of it - and I would feel really guilty about essentially doing it again. It's pretty much definite that we would need SOMEONE's help to do this, but after the history, the hard feelings and their insecurities with us, how do you ask someone something like that? I just don't know if I can even ask for advice, much less help with a down payment or something like that.
Disappointments
These are not so much mine, but other people's. I'm sure it's disappointing that I'm not writing something juicy, just this mundane stuff about a move that might not happen. This is where my focus is right now, and it's all that I'm thinking about, so it's what I'm writing about.
So, those of you who read this blog who are of the prayin' type, start your prayer engines. This is something we really want to do, something we think we ought to do, and something we're prepared to work hard for. I appreciate all your prayers and good thoughts.
Well, first off, I'm frustrated with the relocation thing. I know, I'm impatient, but it's been 2 weeks and I have applied for many, many jobs, and I haven't heard a peep back from anyone. I've been applying on-line, so you would think I would at least get a "hey, yeah, we got your application, thank you!" or "you know, I really don't think we could hire you, since you currently live 10 hours away. Let us know when you move in locally. Thanks."
Nope. Nothing. Not a peep. Kinda frustrating, and a little disheartening. I've got to do this on my "off-time" when I'm not working, and I don't have the time (not to mention the money) to just hop in the car and run Down South and apply for a job at the drop of a hat. I wish I did, but I don't. It almost seems like you've got to live there before you can work there, and well...we don't live there.
Worries
Will we ever live there? I dunno. Is it the right thing for us to do? I dunno. DH seems to think it's the right thing - he wants to get me away from my mother to save my sanity (and believe me, I need it). He thinks it's a good thing for the boy, too, because we want to raise him to love and respect them, but not to be like them. The lives of my parents are so filled with negativity, I don't want him to think that's what life is all about. If we get away from here, we can raise him the way we want to.
The question now becomes, will we ever actually go? DH thinks we will on that one, too. I've been looking at different kinds of loans and see if it's possible to get the loan, go down, buy a house and have a little left over to live on for a couple of months while we find work. I don't know if that's possible - it looks like our interest rate is going to be about 7% (perhaps even 8%), and property taxes are a bit higher Down South than they are here. It's a lot to think about - DH says that the higher interest rate is the cost of moving down there and getting out. I'm just about willing to pay that price.
The last thing that I've been worrying about is the house we live in now. What's going to happen to it? I don't want to leave dad holding the bag on this property. Granted, we haven't paid anything on this house in almost 3 years, and it doesn't appear on our credit report (therefore our name must not be on the mortgage anywhere). I don't know how this is going to work when we go to apply for a loan. I don't know if it will affect what kind of money we'll get, or if a loan and home purchase would be contingent on the sale of this house, or what. We did it once before - up and moved out of a house we had bought, leaving it to mom and dad to take care of it - and I would feel really guilty about essentially doing it again. It's pretty much definite that we would need SOMEONE's help to do this, but after the history, the hard feelings and their insecurities with us, how do you ask someone something like that? I just don't know if I can even ask for advice, much less help with a down payment or something like that.
Disappointments
These are not so much mine, but other people's. I'm sure it's disappointing that I'm not writing something juicy, just this mundane stuff about a move that might not happen. This is where my focus is right now, and it's all that I'm thinking about, so it's what I'm writing about.
So, those of you who read this blog who are of the prayin' type, start your prayer engines. This is something we really want to do, something we think we ought to do, and something we're prepared to work hard for. I appreciate all your prayers and good thoughts.
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