Fakin' It

Yep, that's me. A great big fake.

I can hear you out there in interwebz-world (don't all yell at once, man, y'all are loud), But Calli, why are you a great big fake?

Well, lemme tell you.

1. I proclaim "writer" from the rooftops, but I haven't written a word on my novel in about a month and a half, and the only writing I'm consistently doing these days is for the Epic Dolls column. Yeah, I enjoy that a lot - it's like my first semi-professional writing gig - but it's not working on my novel, which is what I ought to be doing. Fake writer.

2. I have the label "Mom" pasted to my forehead, but most of the time I feel like that ought to have "By Default" in Sharpie marker underneath it. Yeah, I gave birth to Conman, but he spends his time with my parents. Why? 'Cause he proclaims loud and clear that that's where he'd rather be - not at home with mom and dad. When he's here I feed him, clothe him, keep him warm, give him lots of love and play time, but yet he prefers his grandparents. I'm a sucker, and Conman knows it; all it takes is one plaintive "But I wanna go with Mamaw!" and I'm a guilt-stricken pile of mommy-putty. Off he goes with Mamaw. Fake mom.

3. I also carry around the label of "Guild Administrator" pasted across my back. I think that particular label ought to have "Out of Habit" in Sharpie marker underneath it. I'm not the guild leader (praise be) but I help out quite a bit, and let me be honest here, I'm about 99% clueless. I don't spend the time reading like I ought to, and I'm getting further and further removed from what I ought to be doing. It's not apathy or anything like that, it's pure exhaustion, to be quite honest. I've worked hard to get where I am, and I knew it would take a lot of hard work to stay here, but man, this much? Okay, I asked for it, I ought to suck it up and just do it. Fake SAA.

That's about it. A lot of this probably isn't entirely true, but I'm having a rockin' time at my self pity-party, so let me enjoy my little wallow pit for a day.