Slowly Driven Insane

(or, Things That Make Me Want to Smack Someone)

So, there's a chance that one of these days I'll go on a killing spree one day (I mean, it's a minute chance, but it's a chance, anyway - there's a chance you will, too...quit looking at me like that...it's true...). Anyway, if that 0.0000000000001% chance comes to fruition and you're wondering "OMG, why did she do it!?!?", remember this post and come back and take a look at it. Chances are the reason why is listed somewhere on here.

Things that Drive Me Crazy on a Daily Basis:

1. People who don't obey the simplest of driving laws such as dimming their headlights, using signal lights and obeying lane restrictions. I often wonder how they obtained their licenses, and if they did, in fact, take the same written and practical driving tests that I did. Either that, or they "know somebody" at the DMV, 'cause I actually had to know this stuff before they'd give me that little piece of plastic.

2. People who think that, because you don't share their opinion about music, television, movies, politics, religion, hell, anything, then you're stupid. This is a fallacy because, given the fact that I have taken the time and thought about it enough to develop an opinion, whether you agree with it or not, indicates that I'm not stupid. Rational thought takes intelligence, at least I think, and if I've applied my rational thought to develop an opinion, then please, oh please consider that whether you think it's right or wrong, that it's valid.

3. Clothes manufacturers who believe that every woman who wishes to be stylish is size 12 and under. Now, I'll admit that I'm 32 years old and I can't dress like I'm 15 anymore; however, conversely, I am 32 years old and don't want to dress like I'm 70. I'd like to have at least moderately fashionable clothes that don't cost $70-$80 per piece. I want to at least appear that I have some fashion sense, and accentuate my well-developed curves; not cover them up with a brightly-colored, heavily-spangled potato sack.

4. The expectation that I have to "do" my hair and wear makeup to be "pretty". Okay, so, I want to know - who made the rule that "made-up" equates to "beautiful"? I like feeling pretty as much as the next girl, but I don't like to feel like I look fake with the use of makeup and a heavy coat of shellac on my hair. I can be just as pretty as the next girl sans-makeup. And don't look at me like I'm insane when I check my look in the mirror, like what I see au-natural, and declare I'm ready to go. Wear all the makeup you want - make it 2" thick for all I care - but don't fault me 'cause I don't wanna do that, too.

5. When I eat, I eat in my own manner and to my own specifications. Chances are, I don't particularly care for what you're eating (otherwise, I would have ordered that, too), but I have enough tact to not sit across from you at the table and make "disgusted" faces at you while you're eating. Please have the common courtesy to do the same for me. It'll reduce the chances that you'll get a nice, hot steak forcefully wrapped around your head if you do.

6. I smoke. Get over it. You telling me, "You know, smoking's bad for your health!" in a bright, cheery manner isn't going to make me have a sudden revelation that, OMG, I'm killing myself, and I'm going...to...die...TODAY!...because of it! Yes, I've heard that particular statement somewhere before...smoking's bad for me. Oh, wow, newsflash! Okay, let me tell you a little secret. Lots of stuff is really bad for you in the right proportions. Uncontrolled eating makes you fat; uncontrolled drinking is just as (if not moreso) deadly (and not just to you - how many "smoking and driving" deaths have YOU heard of, hmm?); drinking too much soda pop will ruin your teeth and your kidneys; taking recreational pharmaceuticals will turn your brain into Swiss cheese...want me to go on? I could. Smoking gets all the attention, but man, give it a rest. At this point, "smokers" the world over know it's bad, and to be quite honest, it's my choice to smoke. Let me make my own decision, please, thank you.

7. Cell phones were not created so you can talk and/or text while you drive your car. They're two distinctly different processes requiring a mutually exclusive amount of brain power. I know you think you can do it, but trust me - you can't. That wreck that happened right behind you that you just missed? Yeah. You caused that by talking to your BFF on your celly while you were driving, jackass.

8. Don't assume that because your family makes more money than mine does that you're "better" than I am. You put your pants on one leg at a time just like I do, and my time is just as valuable as yours is - quite possibly, my time is more important than yours because I don't live an idle life. I have things I must get done or there's an epic failure in my household. You? You just get someone else to do it for you 'cause you can pay 'em. So, shut the hell up, stop complaining, and don't accuse me of being "lazy" just 'cause I'm poor.

9. West Virginia Goth and/or "Emo" Kids. Yep, I went there. Now, there's no denying that I'm quite possibly the oldest living "emo kid" on the planet, but I just hide it better than most. Why? Hm...lemme see. I have a personality that's my own? We'll start there. But anyway, back to goth and emo kids, especially in the dear Mountain State. Number one, listen, kids, you've got it pretty good here. You don't have to worry about being shot on your way to school, for the most part your parents are pretty good to you and let you do what you want, and you actually have opportunity to get out of this place if you wanna go. Don't f**k it up by acting like a complete idiot. But how, Calli, am I acting a fool? Educate me, please! I beg! Okay. Here's the deal. Hot Topic does not exist to supply your entire wardrobe. At most, you ought to have five or six "accent pieces" out of there to make a statement. Because, let's face it, the way you look right now is just a bit on the overkill side. Yes, yes, we see the black cargo pants slung to your asshole, the mountains of silvery chains and belts weighting them down further, the torn black henley, the black fishnet "armwarmer" things you insist on wearing, and it's quite obvious you got stock from AquaNet, L'oreal hair color and Cover Girl for Christmas this year. What you don't realize is that (1) That "look" went out of style about 5 years ago and if you spent some time with pop culture you'd realize you're not as cool as you think you are; (2) No one thinks you look cool...just...disturbed...in a bad way; (3) Listening to one song by The Cure does not prove your "Goth-ness"; and (4) There are more important things in life than "looking the part", like actually doing something with your damn life. You'll realize this once you have to live on your own and mommy and daddy won't buy your hair color, hair spray and makeup anymore.

That's about it for now. This list subject to change and/or addition without notice.