Reflections on Other Bloggers

This week, my Orthodox friends are celebrating Holy Week. I have to say, their embracing of their religion is a stark difference to my own family's celebration of Christ's crucifixion. I would almost go as far as to say that I feel closer to that event this week than I did when my family celebrated "Western Easter" last month. It almost feels like it ought to be Holy Week for me, too, even though I'm a Baptist.

Reading through their posts on religion (both past and present posts), however, has me thinking about religion and spirituality and where the two of those converge. I personally think that they're two vastly different things; one you share with others, one is something that's very personal.

I'll start with my thoughts on religion. When I hear that word, it's almost inseparable from the word "organized". For me, religion is a building filled with people more concerned about what Jane's wearing and the behavior of Terry's children than they are with learning about and communing with their Lord. To me, that's highly offensive. Why? Because I don't care what you're wearing, you ought to be there to learn about scripture and try to figure out a roadmap for your life. It shouldn't matter if I wear holey jeans and a t-shirt; I'm there to worship and learn about God, not be a model in a fashion show.

I have a deep disdain for organized religion. Quite honestly, this disdain is disturbing to me. Christ said that an important part of worshiping God was the community, and worshiping together; the fact that "church" (aka organized religion) around here has devolved into little more than a continuing argument over who did what to whom, whose food you shouldn't eat, and whose clothes are woefully out of style. The one thing that I do find comfort in, however, is that DH and I can have a healthy "community" regarding spirituality, and I have good friends that are open to discussions of spirituality and comfort through God, as well. Besides, Christ said in Matthew 18:20, For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them. That's assurance enough for me that when I'm having earnest, emotional conversations about spiritual matters with my friends or DH, Christ is there amongst us. That is my community, and as close to organized religion as I want to get.

Spirituality, however, is far different from "religion". You can be religious and be not at all spiritual (I call this "going through the motions"). On the flip side, you can be spiritual and not at all religious. I fall into the latter portion of those two extremes. I'm sure there are people who are as religious as they are spiritual, but I feel that they are probably few and far between, and those people have something pretty spectacular. I, however, am comfortable with my spirituality.

I talk to God (aka, pray), and I think he listens to my prayers. I have faith that He will not send anything my way that I can't handle (although He may test me at times), and I believe that He has shown me ways to grow in strength, confidence, emotionally, and as a mother, daughter and wife. In everything I do, He is first and foremost in my mind.

Now, with that said, where do I stand with Him? To be honest with you, I don't know. No one can know His mind, and I don't pretend to know where or how I'll end up. That, my friends, is where faith comes in. I have faith that the things I do, the beliefs I hold dear that the actions I take are enough for Him.

Where do the two meet? Well, in my life, they diverged a long, long time ago. Religion reared its ugly head in my spiritual life, and for a time, I was shaken. No, shaken isn't a strong enough word. I was undone.

I had lived my entire life for Christ, or so I had thought. I found a church where I was happy with both my community and the doctrine. I became a part of that community by singing, helping with youth lessons and leading youth prayer. I did nothing...nothing...that would jeopardize my life path in either my church or my personal life. I had a "good boyfriend" who took me to church every Sunday and Thursday night (for youth group) and the support of my friends and family. I did the normal teenage things (well, relatively normal - I didn't have a sip of alcohol nor a drag of a cigarette until I was almost 20), but nothing illegal and nothing that would mortally endanger me.

Then, it happened.

The rug was jerked out from under me. My friends, my church and my boyfriend turned against me. To this day, I have still yet to find out their reason why. I was ostracized from my church and from my circle of friends, and I felt like I was being ostracized from God himself. Why would he do this to me at such a difficult time in my life? What had I done, what sin had I committed, that would merit this sort of treatment? For years I struggled with this, and wondered what it was about me that had caused everyone - even my God - to turn away from me. One day, finally, when I was completely exhausted with myself (and quite honestly, near taking my own life), it hit me; it wasn't a failing in me or my God that caused this tragedy to happen - it was a failing in the people I thought were my friends.

I guess you could say that even though I "found Jesus" and was baptized at the age of 13, I truly "found God" when I was about 20. My spirituality and religion diverged at 16, and they've never crossed paths since then. Am I a Christian? Yes. I. Am. No two ways about it. Am I religious? Absolutely not. Am I spiritual? Absolutely. I have found my path after years of floundering around in the dark, and I'm happy to be on it. Will I ever become religious? I might, one day, if God sends my path in that direction again.

So for those of you struggling out there, remember, religion and spirituality aren't necessarily the same thing. Just because you're not religious doesn't mean that you're not spiritual, and it doesn't mean that you can't have a good and healthy relationship with God. Also remember, though, that you're not alone. You've got friends out here that are ready, willing and able to help you form a spiritual community around you that can help you find your own way out of the dark.