So, I've been thinking about writing about this all week, and I've just now decided to do it.
Sunday night I had a nightmare. I hope that in writing about it, I can finally forget about it. It's haunted me since then. In this nightmare, I had a daughter who was 8 or 10 years old. We were at the t-ball field watching Conman practice football, and she was being...unruly. She came up to me and was arguing with me, and I was sitting on the metal bleachers they have there. She slapped me in the face, and I grabbed her arm and slung her around to make her sit down in front of me, and she tripped over my foot. Her head got wedged between the bottom step of the bleachers and her body fell at an odd angle and I heard her neck snap. I started screaming "no", and I must have been yelling out in my sleep, too, because DH woke me up and told me that I was having a nightmare.
Tuesday night I dreamed about this little amphibious vehicle that the store took in on trade the other day. In my dream, he broadsided us in a great big new black SUV that we owned. We chased him down and made his mother pay for the damage. It was just weird.
Anyway, that's all I got.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Monday, September 1, 2008
Gypsies and Pirates
Her eyes they know too much
She'll treat ya like somebody but you just cant touch
His smile aint seen the light of day
Exchanged it for some treasures somewhere along the way
Maybe the stars will align so they can sail on together
Maybe he'll steal her life
and she'll take his heart
and his favorite sweater
Shes a gypsy
Hes a pirate on the run
Pirate On The Run,
Pat Monahan
So I've been thinking a lot lately about myself. I want to know what it is that makes me want to go all the time. I'm never happy in one place for long - like the lyrics above say, "She's a gypsy..."
I've also been thinking a lot about the fairness of life. It seems like it doesn't matter how smart you are, how driven you are, how willing you are to work hard for what you have, some people are just not destined to get ahead. I've been an office worker for my entire life - I'm good at what I do, I work hard, and I'm diligent. I figure I'm worth at least $10 an hour (in this area's economy) or maybe more. DH is good at what he does - he works, hard, doesn't care to get dirty, and when he does something, it's done right - and you can count on that. He's worth probably about double an hour what I am.
Now, with all that - $30 or so an hour collectively - you'd think we'd do pretty good. You'd be mistaken. DH doesn't make NEAR what he's worth, and I make $6.75 an hour (part-time). We barely get by, barely have enough to buy food to eat and keep (fairly new) clothes. Now, let's pair that with some of the other workers around here. We're talking about unskilled, unschooled laborers. You know the kind - the ones that have six-bedroom, $500,000 homes, six or seven luxury vehicles, kids and spouses in the newest fashions and with the biggest diamonds and the flashiest...other stuff...money can buy. Tell me, now, how someone smarter, more skilled, and more willing to work gets the proverbial pile of shit while someone like that is the one holding the shovel? It's not fair, I tell ya.
Okay, I'm done complaining. Have a pleasant day.
She'll treat ya like somebody but you just cant touch
His smile aint seen the light of day
Exchanged it for some treasures somewhere along the way
Maybe the stars will align so they can sail on together
Maybe he'll steal her life
and she'll take his heart
and his favorite sweater
Shes a gypsy
Hes a pirate on the run
Pirate On The Run,
Pat Monahan
So I've been thinking a lot lately about myself. I want to know what it is that makes me want to go all the time. I'm never happy in one place for long - like the lyrics above say, "She's a gypsy..."
I've also been thinking a lot about the fairness of life. It seems like it doesn't matter how smart you are, how driven you are, how willing you are to work hard for what you have, some people are just not destined to get ahead. I've been an office worker for my entire life - I'm good at what I do, I work hard, and I'm diligent. I figure I'm worth at least $10 an hour (in this area's economy) or maybe more. DH is good at what he does - he works, hard, doesn't care to get dirty, and when he does something, it's done right - and you can count on that. He's worth probably about double an hour what I am.
Now, with all that - $30 or so an hour collectively - you'd think we'd do pretty good. You'd be mistaken. DH doesn't make NEAR what he's worth, and I make $6.75 an hour (part-time). We barely get by, barely have enough to buy food to eat and keep (fairly new) clothes. Now, let's pair that with some of the other workers around here. We're talking about unskilled, unschooled laborers. You know the kind - the ones that have six-bedroom, $500,000 homes, six or seven luxury vehicles, kids and spouses in the newest fashions and with the biggest diamonds and the flashiest...other stuff...money can buy. Tell me, now, how someone smarter, more skilled, and more willing to work gets the proverbial pile of shit while someone like that is the one holding the shovel? It's not fair, I tell ya.
Okay, I'm done complaining. Have a pleasant day.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Frustrations, Worries and Disappointments
Frustrations
Well, first off, I'm frustrated with the relocation thing. I know, I'm impatient, but it's been 2 weeks and I have applied for many, many jobs, and I haven't heard a peep back from anyone. I've been applying on-line, so you would think I would at least get a "hey, yeah, we got your application, thank you!" or "you know, I really don't think we could hire you, since you currently live 10 hours away. Let us know when you move in locally. Thanks."
Nope. Nothing. Not a peep. Kinda frustrating, and a little disheartening. I've got to do this on my "off-time" when I'm not working, and I don't have the time (not to mention the money) to just hop in the car and run Down South and apply for a job at the drop of a hat. I wish I did, but I don't. It almost seems like you've got to live there before you can work there, and well...we don't live there.
Worries
Will we ever live there? I dunno. Is it the right thing for us to do? I dunno. DH seems to think it's the right thing - he wants to get me away from my mother to save my sanity (and believe me, I need it). He thinks it's a good thing for the boy, too, because we want to raise him to love and respect them, but not to be like them. The lives of my parents are so filled with negativity, I don't want him to think that's what life is all about. If we get away from here, we can raise him the way we want to.
The question now becomes, will we ever actually go? DH thinks we will on that one, too. I've been looking at different kinds of loans and see if it's possible to get the loan, go down, buy a house and have a little left over to live on for a couple of months while we find work. I don't know if that's possible - it looks like our interest rate is going to be about 7% (perhaps even 8%), and property taxes are a bit higher Down South than they are here. It's a lot to think about - DH says that the higher interest rate is the cost of moving down there and getting out. I'm just about willing to pay that price.
The last thing that I've been worrying about is the house we live in now. What's going to happen to it? I don't want to leave dad holding the bag on this property. Granted, we haven't paid anything on this house in almost 3 years, and it doesn't appear on our credit report (therefore our name must not be on the mortgage anywhere). I don't know how this is going to work when we go to apply for a loan. I don't know if it will affect what kind of money we'll get, or if a loan and home purchase would be contingent on the sale of this house, or what. We did it once before - up and moved out of a house we had bought, leaving it to mom and dad to take care of it - and I would feel really guilty about essentially doing it again. It's pretty much definite that we would need SOMEONE's help to do this, but after the history, the hard feelings and their insecurities with us, how do you ask someone something like that? I just don't know if I can even ask for advice, much less help with a down payment or something like that.
Disappointments
These are not so much mine, but other people's. I'm sure it's disappointing that I'm not writing something juicy, just this mundane stuff about a move that might not happen. This is where my focus is right now, and it's all that I'm thinking about, so it's what I'm writing about.
So, those of you who read this blog who are of the prayin' type, start your prayer engines. This is something we really want to do, something we think we ought to do, and something we're prepared to work hard for. I appreciate all your prayers and good thoughts.
Well, first off, I'm frustrated with the relocation thing. I know, I'm impatient, but it's been 2 weeks and I have applied for many, many jobs, and I haven't heard a peep back from anyone. I've been applying on-line, so you would think I would at least get a "hey, yeah, we got your application, thank you!" or "you know, I really don't think we could hire you, since you currently live 10 hours away. Let us know when you move in locally. Thanks."
Nope. Nothing. Not a peep. Kinda frustrating, and a little disheartening. I've got to do this on my "off-time" when I'm not working, and I don't have the time (not to mention the money) to just hop in the car and run Down South and apply for a job at the drop of a hat. I wish I did, but I don't. It almost seems like you've got to live there before you can work there, and well...we don't live there.
Worries
Will we ever live there? I dunno. Is it the right thing for us to do? I dunno. DH seems to think it's the right thing - he wants to get me away from my mother to save my sanity (and believe me, I need it). He thinks it's a good thing for the boy, too, because we want to raise him to love and respect them, but not to be like them. The lives of my parents are so filled with negativity, I don't want him to think that's what life is all about. If we get away from here, we can raise him the way we want to.
The question now becomes, will we ever actually go? DH thinks we will on that one, too. I've been looking at different kinds of loans and see if it's possible to get the loan, go down, buy a house and have a little left over to live on for a couple of months while we find work. I don't know if that's possible - it looks like our interest rate is going to be about 7% (perhaps even 8%), and property taxes are a bit higher Down South than they are here. It's a lot to think about - DH says that the higher interest rate is the cost of moving down there and getting out. I'm just about willing to pay that price.
The last thing that I've been worrying about is the house we live in now. What's going to happen to it? I don't want to leave dad holding the bag on this property. Granted, we haven't paid anything on this house in almost 3 years, and it doesn't appear on our credit report (therefore our name must not be on the mortgage anywhere). I don't know how this is going to work when we go to apply for a loan. I don't know if it will affect what kind of money we'll get, or if a loan and home purchase would be contingent on the sale of this house, or what. We did it once before - up and moved out of a house we had bought, leaving it to mom and dad to take care of it - and I would feel really guilty about essentially doing it again. It's pretty much definite that we would need SOMEONE's help to do this, but after the history, the hard feelings and their insecurities with us, how do you ask someone something like that? I just don't know if I can even ask for advice, much less help with a down payment or something like that.
Disappointments
These are not so much mine, but other people's. I'm sure it's disappointing that I'm not writing something juicy, just this mundane stuff about a move that might not happen. This is where my focus is right now, and it's all that I'm thinking about, so it's what I'm writing about.
So, those of you who read this blog who are of the prayin' type, start your prayer engines. This is something we really want to do, something we think we ought to do, and something we're prepared to work hard for. I appreciate all your prayers and good thoughts.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
(Re)Location, (Re)Location, (Re)Location
Today we began in earnest. We made the decision about a week ago. But today was the day.
Yep, we want to be outta Dodge in about 6 months. I applied for three jobs Down South in the past week, and DH applied for one BIG job Down South today. I also got in contact with a real estate agent Down South today, too. DH plans on applying for more jobs, and I will be getting in touch with the Down South JobBank tomorrow via telephone to find out how we apply for jobs and work with them on relocating from afar.
This is the culmination of a dream that's about 15 years old. I'm not good with the sun, my skin's too sensitive for salt water and sand, but you know what? I don't give a damn. I NEED to be near the sea. DH really wants this, too, and we will be working diligently to make it happen.
For once, I want to do something on my own that I want to do - I don't want to make the move at someone else's urging (like we did when we moved to North Carolina 10 years ago) - that only ended up with us coming back home 2 years later. It wasn't the right time, and we were never truly "at home" when we were down there. Now, with this move Down South, it's all us - WE have decided that this is what is right, WE have decided it's time, and actually, it's at the behest of everyone else that has any influence on our lives. Our friends will be sad to see us go - one has already told me as much - but at least she agrees that the time is right, and that this is the right thing to do. Heck, my BFF, when I told her I was going, said, "Hey, I might go with ya!"
If that's not a vote of confidence, I don't know what is.
So....therefore, wish us luck. We'd like to get everything done and get moved within 3 - 6 or 8 months. That includes new jobs, a new home, Conman enrolled in a new school, daycare secured, all the stuff that goes around with just daily life. It's a big proposition, especially with a young child, but I'm more ready for this than for anything I've ever been in my life.
Yep, we want to be outta Dodge in about 6 months. I applied for three jobs Down South in the past week, and DH applied for one BIG job Down South today. I also got in contact with a real estate agent Down South today, too. DH plans on applying for more jobs, and I will be getting in touch with the Down South JobBank tomorrow via telephone to find out how we apply for jobs and work with them on relocating from afar.
This is the culmination of a dream that's about 15 years old. I'm not good with the sun, my skin's too sensitive for salt water and sand, but you know what? I don't give a damn. I NEED to be near the sea. DH really wants this, too, and we will be working diligently to make it happen.
For once, I want to do something on my own that I want to do - I don't want to make the move at someone else's urging (like we did when we moved to North Carolina 10 years ago) - that only ended up with us coming back home 2 years later. It wasn't the right time, and we were never truly "at home" when we were down there. Now, with this move Down South, it's all us - WE have decided that this is what is right, WE have decided it's time, and actually, it's at the behest of everyone else that has any influence on our lives. Our friends will be sad to see us go - one has already told me as much - but at least she agrees that the time is right, and that this is the right thing to do. Heck, my BFF, when I told her I was going, said, "Hey, I might go with ya!"
If that's not a vote of confidence, I don't know what is.
So....therefore, wish us luck. We'd like to get everything done and get moved within 3 - 6 or 8 months. That includes new jobs, a new home, Conman enrolled in a new school, daycare secured, all the stuff that goes around with just daily life. It's a big proposition, especially with a young child, but I'm more ready for this than for anything I've ever been in my life.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Just Play
It's been 16 days now, and I just finished watching the Olympic Closing Ceremonies. There's a reason why I waited until after it was all over to post on the topic of the Olympics. But we'll get to that in just a minute.
First, I need to explain a little bit. One of the reasons I started this blog is because DH always says, "You look at the world a little bit different from the rest of people. There's a perspective you have that I don't think the majority of the world shares". Now, I told you that for a reason, too; it does relate to the Olympics. I was thinking while I was watching the Ceremony, and some of the clips they were showing as the program ended.
When it comes down to it, the old cliche of "Just do it" kinda applies. These men and women (and sometimes boys and girls) practice their entire lives. They work, they train, they get their routines and times and positions and bodies into as perfect shape as they can. When it comes down to it, though, and that starting pistol fires, all that doesn't really matter. They just swim. Or just run. Or just jump. Or just do about a hundred other activities that can either bring complete joy or utter disappointment. All that training, all that practice, it all comes down to just a few moments of competition and performance that will last a lifetime.
Just think - fifty years from now, Michael Phelps may have a grandchild sitting on his knee with one of his gold medals in his hands, paying rapt attention to his grandad as he explains the exhilaration of touching the wall and winning his 8th gold medal for the 2008 Olympics. The rest of the world may have moved on, may have forgotten about his achievements, but they'll live on in Phelp's heart and through his family.
I think the stories of strength - the stories of those that didn't win, maybe didn't even place, but competed anyway and didn't give up - are the stories that I will hold in my heart. The South African woman who lost her leg in a car accident but still competed in the open-water swimming competition. The Russian mother who won the marathon. The unbelievable Chinese athletes who did their country proud in the competitions, and the army of Chinese volunteers who made Beijing a welcoming, comfortable place for the world to call "home" for 16 days.
Thanks, Olympics. You show us that everyone has a chance for glory, and that the world can come together in peace. The world could learn a lot from the sportsmanship and good will displayed by its athletes.
First, I need to explain a little bit. One of the reasons I started this blog is because DH always says, "You look at the world a little bit different from the rest of people. There's a perspective you have that I don't think the majority of the world shares". Now, I told you that for a reason, too; it does relate to the Olympics. I was thinking while I was watching the Ceremony, and some of the clips they were showing as the program ended.
When it comes down to it, the old cliche of "Just do it" kinda applies. These men and women (and sometimes boys and girls) practice their entire lives. They work, they train, they get their routines and times and positions and bodies into as perfect shape as they can. When it comes down to it, though, and that starting pistol fires, all that doesn't really matter. They just swim. Or just run. Or just jump. Or just do about a hundred other activities that can either bring complete joy or utter disappointment. All that training, all that practice, it all comes down to just a few moments of competition and performance that will last a lifetime.
Just think - fifty years from now, Michael Phelps may have a grandchild sitting on his knee with one of his gold medals in his hands, paying rapt attention to his grandad as he explains the exhilaration of touching the wall and winning his 8th gold medal for the 2008 Olympics. The rest of the world may have moved on, may have forgotten about his achievements, but they'll live on in Phelp's heart and through his family.
I think the stories of strength - the stories of those that didn't win, maybe didn't even place, but competed anyway and didn't give up - are the stories that I will hold in my heart. The South African woman who lost her leg in a car accident but still competed in the open-water swimming competition. The Russian mother who won the marathon. The unbelievable Chinese athletes who did their country proud in the competitions, and the army of Chinese volunteers who made Beijing a welcoming, comfortable place for the world to call "home" for 16 days.
Thanks, Olympics. You show us that everyone has a chance for glory, and that the world can come together in peace. The world could learn a lot from the sportsmanship and good will displayed by its athletes.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Stuff
So, we bought a car today. $1500 and a 2000 Kia Sephia is ours. The car runs good, is legal (of utmost importance - that much sought-after sticker) and will serve it's purpose well, acting as DH's work car. It's been well-taken-care-of, too, so it ought to last a good long time. I'm glad that the pressure to get the Honda fixed and actually road-worthy is off, and with a relatively low loan amount (loaned from my dad) we ought to be able to pay it off relatively quickly and not have to worry about it. Yeah, it needs a little work - there's some rust on the rocker panels, the rear-view mirror is gone, and the horn doesn't work - but still, we're not trying to win a car show or anything. DH just needs reliable transportation to get back and forth to work.
We have become totally obsessed with the Olympics. We've watched swimming every night this week with smatterings of fencing, gymnastics and other sundry sports. It's been exciting, and we've even managed to get Conman interested in some of what's going on. So far he likes the swimming and fencing. I think he'd like the diving, too, if they'd ever freakin' show any of it. Maybe we're just missing it...maybe it hasn't happened yet...I dunno.
Lastly, this blog is my place where I'm free to speak my thoughts. I thoroughly expect no repercussions from anything I say here, and I would not dose out any for something said on anyone else's. I speak my mind, as this is my space. If you don't like what I have to say, don't read it. That's all I'm going to say. If you do have questions, I'm open to answering them, otherwise, that's all I have to say about that.
DH shaved his head - we're talking Bic razor blades and shaving cream here - last night. Surprisingly, I like it...a lot. It suits him. I didn't think it would, but it does. He kept the beard and moustache, but the hair is gone. *grin* So, imagine if you can, a mixture of Capt. Jack Sparrow and Mr. Clean, and you've pretty much got my DH pegged (minus the great big hoop earring, of course).
That's about it for today. Work tomorrow and Saturday, football on Sunday, and running around to register the new car on Monday, then work on Tuesday. Don't expect word from me again until Wednesday-next week. Until then, stay safe!
We have become totally obsessed with the Olympics. We've watched swimming every night this week with smatterings of fencing, gymnastics and other sundry sports. It's been exciting, and we've even managed to get Conman interested in some of what's going on. So far he likes the swimming and fencing. I think he'd like the diving, too, if they'd ever freakin' show any of it. Maybe we're just missing it...maybe it hasn't happened yet...I dunno.
Lastly, this blog is my place where I'm free to speak my thoughts. I thoroughly expect no repercussions from anything I say here, and I would not dose out any for something said on anyone else's. I speak my mind, as this is my space. If you don't like what I have to say, don't read it. That's all I'm going to say. If you do have questions, I'm open to answering them, otherwise, that's all I have to say about that.
DH shaved his head - we're talking Bic razor blades and shaving cream here - last night. Surprisingly, I like it...a lot. It suits him. I didn't think it would, but it does. He kept the beard and moustache, but the hair is gone. *grin* So, imagine if you can, a mixture of Capt. Jack Sparrow and Mr. Clean, and you've pretty much got my DH pegged (minus the great big hoop earring, of course).
That's about it for today. Work tomorrow and Saturday, football on Sunday, and running around to register the new car on Monday, then work on Tuesday. Don't expect word from me again until Wednesday-next week. Until then, stay safe!
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Decisions
Well, I don't really have a decision to make - I've already made it - I just have to figure out how to state it to everyone else. Why is that such a problem? Well, it's complicated.
There's one big, huge reason, and that's the obvious one to everyone, and I don't want it to seem like the reason I made my decision was purely reactionary to that particular event - it's not. I have several other reasons why, and I can't openly nor honestly talk about them. So the question then becomes, how do you cover up the truth and make it seem like the obvious isn't the reasons behind your decision? That's what's so hard for me.
The next thing is dealing with the end of a friendship. It's not so bad when someone you know, someone you casually interact with, sort of drifts away. When it's bad is when you loose someone you consider your best friend. No, they didn't die or anything like that. We have drifted apart and my previous best friend is doing things that I don't approve of, and quite honestly, that's the end of it. We've tried to talk about it, but neither of us feels like we're getting through to the other. I can't continue to be hurt by it anymore, so I have decided to end the relationship.
So, my decisions have been made, I just have to figure out how to convey them. Hope your day is better than mine.
There's one big, huge reason, and that's the obvious one to everyone, and I don't want it to seem like the reason I made my decision was purely reactionary to that particular event - it's not. I have several other reasons why, and I can't openly nor honestly talk about them. So the question then becomes, how do you cover up the truth and make it seem like the obvious isn't the reasons behind your decision? That's what's so hard for me.
The next thing is dealing with the end of a friendship. It's not so bad when someone you know, someone you casually interact with, sort of drifts away. When it's bad is when you loose someone you consider your best friend. No, they didn't die or anything like that. We have drifted apart and my previous best friend is doing things that I don't approve of, and quite honestly, that's the end of it. We've tried to talk about it, but neither of us feels like we're getting through to the other. I can't continue to be hurt by it anymore, so I have decided to end the relationship.
So, my decisions have been made, I just have to figure out how to convey them. Hope your day is better than mine.
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