So, I've been thinking about writing about this all week, and I've just now decided to do it.
Sunday night I had a nightmare. I hope that in writing about it, I can finally forget about it. It's haunted me since then. In this nightmare, I had a daughter who was 8 or 10 years old. We were at the t-ball field watching Conman practice football, and she was being...unruly. She came up to me and was arguing with me, and I was sitting on the metal bleachers they have there. She slapped me in the face, and I grabbed her arm and slung her around to make her sit down in front of me, and she tripped over my foot. Her head got wedged between the bottom step of the bleachers and her body fell at an odd angle and I heard her neck snap. I started screaming "no", and I must have been yelling out in my sleep, too, because DH woke me up and told me that I was having a nightmare.
Tuesday night I dreamed about this little amphibious vehicle that the store took in on trade the other day. In my dream, he broadsided us in a great big new black SUV that we owned. We chased him down and made his mother pay for the damage. It was just weird.
Anyway, that's all I got.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Monday, September 1, 2008
Gypsies and Pirates
Her eyes they know too much
She'll treat ya like somebody but you just cant touch
His smile aint seen the light of day
Exchanged it for some treasures somewhere along the way
Maybe the stars will align so they can sail on together
Maybe he'll steal her life
and she'll take his heart
and his favorite sweater
Shes a gypsy
Hes a pirate on the run
Pirate On The Run,
Pat Monahan
So I've been thinking a lot lately about myself. I want to know what it is that makes me want to go all the time. I'm never happy in one place for long - like the lyrics above say, "She's a gypsy..."
I've also been thinking a lot about the fairness of life. It seems like it doesn't matter how smart you are, how driven you are, how willing you are to work hard for what you have, some people are just not destined to get ahead. I've been an office worker for my entire life - I'm good at what I do, I work hard, and I'm diligent. I figure I'm worth at least $10 an hour (in this area's economy) or maybe more. DH is good at what he does - he works, hard, doesn't care to get dirty, and when he does something, it's done right - and you can count on that. He's worth probably about double an hour what I am.
Now, with all that - $30 or so an hour collectively - you'd think we'd do pretty good. You'd be mistaken. DH doesn't make NEAR what he's worth, and I make $6.75 an hour (part-time). We barely get by, barely have enough to buy food to eat and keep (fairly new) clothes. Now, let's pair that with some of the other workers around here. We're talking about unskilled, unschooled laborers. You know the kind - the ones that have six-bedroom, $500,000 homes, six or seven luxury vehicles, kids and spouses in the newest fashions and with the biggest diamonds and the flashiest...other stuff...money can buy. Tell me, now, how someone smarter, more skilled, and more willing to work gets the proverbial pile of shit while someone like that is the one holding the shovel? It's not fair, I tell ya.
Okay, I'm done complaining. Have a pleasant day.
She'll treat ya like somebody but you just cant touch
His smile aint seen the light of day
Exchanged it for some treasures somewhere along the way
Maybe the stars will align so they can sail on together
Maybe he'll steal her life
and she'll take his heart
and his favorite sweater
Shes a gypsy
Hes a pirate on the run
Pirate On The Run,
Pat Monahan
So I've been thinking a lot lately about myself. I want to know what it is that makes me want to go all the time. I'm never happy in one place for long - like the lyrics above say, "She's a gypsy..."
I've also been thinking a lot about the fairness of life. It seems like it doesn't matter how smart you are, how driven you are, how willing you are to work hard for what you have, some people are just not destined to get ahead. I've been an office worker for my entire life - I'm good at what I do, I work hard, and I'm diligent. I figure I'm worth at least $10 an hour (in this area's economy) or maybe more. DH is good at what he does - he works, hard, doesn't care to get dirty, and when he does something, it's done right - and you can count on that. He's worth probably about double an hour what I am.
Now, with all that - $30 or so an hour collectively - you'd think we'd do pretty good. You'd be mistaken. DH doesn't make NEAR what he's worth, and I make $6.75 an hour (part-time). We barely get by, barely have enough to buy food to eat and keep (fairly new) clothes. Now, let's pair that with some of the other workers around here. We're talking about unskilled, unschooled laborers. You know the kind - the ones that have six-bedroom, $500,000 homes, six or seven luxury vehicles, kids and spouses in the newest fashions and with the biggest diamonds and the flashiest...other stuff...money can buy. Tell me, now, how someone smarter, more skilled, and more willing to work gets the proverbial pile of shit while someone like that is the one holding the shovel? It's not fair, I tell ya.
Okay, I'm done complaining. Have a pleasant day.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Frustrations, Worries and Disappointments
Frustrations
Well, first off, I'm frustrated with the relocation thing. I know, I'm impatient, but it's been 2 weeks and I have applied for many, many jobs, and I haven't heard a peep back from anyone. I've been applying on-line, so you would think I would at least get a "hey, yeah, we got your application, thank you!" or "you know, I really don't think we could hire you, since you currently live 10 hours away. Let us know when you move in locally. Thanks."
Nope. Nothing. Not a peep. Kinda frustrating, and a little disheartening. I've got to do this on my "off-time" when I'm not working, and I don't have the time (not to mention the money) to just hop in the car and run Down South and apply for a job at the drop of a hat. I wish I did, but I don't. It almost seems like you've got to live there before you can work there, and well...we don't live there.
Worries
Will we ever live there? I dunno. Is it the right thing for us to do? I dunno. DH seems to think it's the right thing - he wants to get me away from my mother to save my sanity (and believe me, I need it). He thinks it's a good thing for the boy, too, because we want to raise him to love and respect them, but not to be like them. The lives of my parents are so filled with negativity, I don't want him to think that's what life is all about. If we get away from here, we can raise him the way we want to.
The question now becomes, will we ever actually go? DH thinks we will on that one, too. I've been looking at different kinds of loans and see if it's possible to get the loan, go down, buy a house and have a little left over to live on for a couple of months while we find work. I don't know if that's possible - it looks like our interest rate is going to be about 7% (perhaps even 8%), and property taxes are a bit higher Down South than they are here. It's a lot to think about - DH says that the higher interest rate is the cost of moving down there and getting out. I'm just about willing to pay that price.
The last thing that I've been worrying about is the house we live in now. What's going to happen to it? I don't want to leave dad holding the bag on this property. Granted, we haven't paid anything on this house in almost 3 years, and it doesn't appear on our credit report (therefore our name must not be on the mortgage anywhere). I don't know how this is going to work when we go to apply for a loan. I don't know if it will affect what kind of money we'll get, or if a loan and home purchase would be contingent on the sale of this house, or what. We did it once before - up and moved out of a house we had bought, leaving it to mom and dad to take care of it - and I would feel really guilty about essentially doing it again. It's pretty much definite that we would need SOMEONE's help to do this, but after the history, the hard feelings and their insecurities with us, how do you ask someone something like that? I just don't know if I can even ask for advice, much less help with a down payment or something like that.
Disappointments
These are not so much mine, but other people's. I'm sure it's disappointing that I'm not writing something juicy, just this mundane stuff about a move that might not happen. This is where my focus is right now, and it's all that I'm thinking about, so it's what I'm writing about.
So, those of you who read this blog who are of the prayin' type, start your prayer engines. This is something we really want to do, something we think we ought to do, and something we're prepared to work hard for. I appreciate all your prayers and good thoughts.
Well, first off, I'm frustrated with the relocation thing. I know, I'm impatient, but it's been 2 weeks and I have applied for many, many jobs, and I haven't heard a peep back from anyone. I've been applying on-line, so you would think I would at least get a "hey, yeah, we got your application, thank you!" or "you know, I really don't think we could hire you, since you currently live 10 hours away. Let us know when you move in locally. Thanks."
Nope. Nothing. Not a peep. Kinda frustrating, and a little disheartening. I've got to do this on my "off-time" when I'm not working, and I don't have the time (not to mention the money) to just hop in the car and run Down South and apply for a job at the drop of a hat. I wish I did, but I don't. It almost seems like you've got to live there before you can work there, and well...we don't live there.
Worries
Will we ever live there? I dunno. Is it the right thing for us to do? I dunno. DH seems to think it's the right thing - he wants to get me away from my mother to save my sanity (and believe me, I need it). He thinks it's a good thing for the boy, too, because we want to raise him to love and respect them, but not to be like them. The lives of my parents are so filled with negativity, I don't want him to think that's what life is all about. If we get away from here, we can raise him the way we want to.
The question now becomes, will we ever actually go? DH thinks we will on that one, too. I've been looking at different kinds of loans and see if it's possible to get the loan, go down, buy a house and have a little left over to live on for a couple of months while we find work. I don't know if that's possible - it looks like our interest rate is going to be about 7% (perhaps even 8%), and property taxes are a bit higher Down South than they are here. It's a lot to think about - DH says that the higher interest rate is the cost of moving down there and getting out. I'm just about willing to pay that price.
The last thing that I've been worrying about is the house we live in now. What's going to happen to it? I don't want to leave dad holding the bag on this property. Granted, we haven't paid anything on this house in almost 3 years, and it doesn't appear on our credit report (therefore our name must not be on the mortgage anywhere). I don't know how this is going to work when we go to apply for a loan. I don't know if it will affect what kind of money we'll get, or if a loan and home purchase would be contingent on the sale of this house, or what. We did it once before - up and moved out of a house we had bought, leaving it to mom and dad to take care of it - and I would feel really guilty about essentially doing it again. It's pretty much definite that we would need SOMEONE's help to do this, but after the history, the hard feelings and their insecurities with us, how do you ask someone something like that? I just don't know if I can even ask for advice, much less help with a down payment or something like that.
Disappointments
These are not so much mine, but other people's. I'm sure it's disappointing that I'm not writing something juicy, just this mundane stuff about a move that might not happen. This is where my focus is right now, and it's all that I'm thinking about, so it's what I'm writing about.
So, those of you who read this blog who are of the prayin' type, start your prayer engines. This is something we really want to do, something we think we ought to do, and something we're prepared to work hard for. I appreciate all your prayers and good thoughts.
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